This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Cross Talk

Sometimes I'm walking, and sometimes I'm driving. Of course, many times, I'm merely walking to or from my car, which strikes me as being the best of both worlds. But having been on both sides of that particular fence, I must say that there is one realization I came to long ago: Pedestrians are, for the most part, an arrogant bunch of S.O.B.s. Or hadn't you noticed?

And any stunt they pull that irks one or more drivers is usually justified with "Well, people have been around longer than cars, you know," like that's supposed to excuse their stupidity somehow. That's almost like if you give me your newborn baby to hold, and I drop it, and follow up by saying, "Oh, well, I can remember before you even had the little diaper-dumper!"

Look, folks, no one alive today is old enough to remember before there were automobiles, so in everyone's mind, cars have "always" been around, just like people. Which blows that "people have been around longer" argument out of the water quite nicely, I think.

My state, Massachusetts, has a law that says that drivers must stop if a pedestrian is in a crosswalk, attempting to cross the street. I assume most other states have this law, and most other countries as well... at least those countries that have enough people and automobiles so that this is even an issue.

However, what about those bothersome little pukes that are not in the crosswalk, but are attempting to cross anyway, and pretty much demanding that drivers stop for them, too? I think there should be some kind of "equal time" provision in the law which says that if the pedestrian is not in the crosswalk, the driver is allowed... no, make that required by law... to drive right into that self-important little rectum-head! Not enough to seriously injure, kill, or even maim, I should point out. Even I'm not that vicious... usually... But rather, just enough of a jolt to shake that sucker up a bit, and knock him or her about ten to twelve feet forward. Hell, that'll probably place him smack dab in the middle of the crosswalk he was too lazy to walk over to in the first place.

(And by the way, "Mr. Walker," who the hell do you think you are, raising your hand to stop me as you defiantly walk in front of my vehicle? If my car's brakes can't -- or won't -- stop me, do you really think that waving your pudgy little palm is capable of doing it?)

Okay, okay, maybe I'm going a bit overboard with the vehemence this time around, but perhaps that's the real reason they call it a crosswalk. Ya think?

Thanks for your time.


  1. I'm taking a wild guess that you don't like pedestrians....

    You could always lob muffins at them, to get the sods out of the way.

  2. English muffins, or American style?

    Anyway, I generally only like pedestrians when I'm forced to be one of them. Even then, I mainly like myself and nobody else. But if it'll make you feel any better -- Why does it seem like I'm always consoling you? -- I do like equestrians, which is a different thing entirely, but at least it rhymes.

  3. One of the worst things, is the pedestrians total lack of attention. How many attempt to cross on a green light.? They can't see the red-flashing "don't walk" sign? I've almost hit a few myself and probably would've been justified. I mean after all, 95% of all persons hit by vehicles, are purely "accidental"( at least in Taxachusetts ).

  4. I admit I am one of those little rectum heads that will run out in front of traffic IF there is no crosswalk, as there often in not here in Columbus. I even have a theory to it: "They'll stop or they'll hit me and fuck up their car." But I do it with the full realization that there is a possibility that I will not be faster than the approaching cars and I will end up road kill. I take the risk. Obviously I have been successful thus far in out running the cars. One day that luck may run out and it will be my fault should that ever happen. I at least take responsibility for my stupidity. That's a plus..right?


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