This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Friday, April 11, 2008

"You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby"

This world is very concerned -- some would say too concerned -- with the welfare of children. I think people in general may be carrying things a bit too far when I hear news bulletins like, "Half the world exploded today, killing roughly four billion people, including six children," and I think, "A tragedy like that is tragic for all concerned, not just the friggin' kids!"

But it's true. We are overly concerned with the so-called "innocent ones."

Like that cutie-patootie up top, there. What an adorable little thing, huh?

I say we kill him.

"What a terrible thing to say, you heartless bastard!" you scream.

Are you sure? ( Click here! )

Thanks for your time.


  1. Kranky-McCrankenheimerFriday, April 11, 2008 5:53:00 PM

    1. "If you LOVE the children, you'd spend ten-times more money on their education!"
    2. "They are our future!" (I don't think so...they're self-absorbed, lazy kids who's major accomplishment on an average day is "winning" at some video game.
    3. It's mostly the fault of the parents who praise almost everything their spoiled kids do..."Oh look! 12 year-old Johnny walked all the way across the floor without falling down! You're SO special!" Nope, sorry...he's really not even "average"...
    I say, "Off-'em" early before they grow up." Logan's Run had some good ideas...they just needed to start earlier.

  2. Wow. Mr. McCrankenheimer, you have inspired me! I can't possibly answer you here, so I've created a whole new post, entitled -- appropriately enough -- "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby" Part Two!

  3. David'z:
    Wow, he had the same hair as a baby as he did later in life. The only thing spookier would've been if he had a little couldn't have photoshopped a little mustache on for us, could ya. Damn!

    You got us a second new blog in the same day! I love you!

  4. Cake: If I'd added the mustache (which I actually did do once, when I sent that photo to a friend) that would've tipped it.

    (Gee, she thanks Kranky for inspiring a second blog on the same day? Maybe I should take back that "retarded" crack?)

  5. The only way I would kill Hitler-baby would be if it would guarantee the end of all white lettering on black background blogs.

    Otherwise....he lives.

    (Keep in mind that babies ain't born evil. It's usually the jews that make folks get all evi)

  6. That was a joke about the jews. Lighten up.

    I still wouldn't kill baby-Hits.

  7. Actually, you made a very good point when you said (somewhere... ) that out of all the people Hitler had killed, he must've killed somebody who was even worse than he was.

    I just thought you might want to add the baby picture to your (presumed) Hitler collection (next to the Beatles LPs, 45s, reel-to-reel tapes, cassettes, 8-tracks, CDs, Edison cylinders, etc.)

    If you didn't already have it.

  8. I knew that was a joke about the Jews. Hopefully anybody else would. It was keeping in line with the whole Hitler thing.

    But we need to find somebody to kill, though. I haven't gotten to write a tribute column in days.

  9. Can you tribute someone you kill? It's kinda like getting praise for fixing a mistake you made...

  10. Hm. Okay, Joe, y'got me there on a technicality. I guess we need to find someone to kill, and I'll write the tribute after somebody else does the actual killing.

    Then again, if he or she deserves to be killed, why the hell would I wanna praise him or her after the fact?

    I am so confused.

  11. I didn't even have to look at the other picture to know that was Hitler. Hell, he had the same hair style even as a baby...which is sad. Maybe it is because I am a woman and nature gave me the whole tender heart where kids are concerned, but I do get a little upset when I hear of a tragedy involving a child or children. However, I can also freely admit that my own are a total pain in the ass. I do not have a college fund set up for them...I am saving up for bail money. The reason, you ask? If those little assholes listen to society's rules the same way they listen to mine, they are going to need it. No, I take that back...they fuck up I'm not bailing them out. I taught them right from wrong. If they didn't pay attention, that will be their problem. I will put the money on the books for commonsary, though. hahahaha


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