This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Cat and the Bat

Microsoft Word ate my soundtrack LP.

No, really.

The other day, I compiled a lengthy list of virtually every song that I planned to include. "All" I had to do was add tons'o'comments, explaining or otherwise justifying the reason(s) each song was included. But when I opened that supposedly-saved document this evening, it was
all gone. Just the lonely cursor, blinking on a virgin page.

Luckily, I do still have a hand-written list, so it could be a
lot worse.

So, what to do while I spend an extra day or two reconstructing it, since the natives tend to get restless for
some kinda post on David'Z RantZ after I've ignored them for two or three days?

Yup, you guessed it! Today
, I'm giving you two recycled entries from my soon-to-be retired old blog address, entries which were originally published on November 20, 2003, and May 16, 2004. I've deleted the original titles because the second old title actually kinda/sorta tipped off the punchline. Odd that I didn't catch that the last time around.

This ought to give those who started reading my blog because of
My Island an idea of what this column usually looks like.

Anyway, here you go, folks... And by the way, I should point out that the two photos -- or should I say, "pikes?" -- on this page
weren't included with the original blogs. They were both chosen for today's post because they sort of combine the themes of these two different entries. And please keep in mind that this first entry is from 2003:

Universal Studios is about to release "The Cat in the Hat," a live-action film based on the Dr. Seuss character. It stars Mike Myers.

Okay, now here's a sick "What If...?" scenario: Due to an error on the part of the casting director, they don't contact Mike Myers (of "Austin Powers" and "Wayne's World" fame), they contact... Michael Myers, the villain from "Halloween!"

Due to the heavy "Cat" make-up, nobody knows it's Michael Myers until after he arrives on the set, and by then, of course, it's too late. A predictable amount of carnage ensues as Michael makes short work of both cast and crew. Uncharacteristically, he decides to clean up, and manages to erase every bit of evidence... except for a small drop of blood. As Michael tries and tries to clean up this infernal drop, it just keeps getting larger, transferring itself to one thing after another, until...

No, wait. That's the plot from The Cat in the Hat Comes Back!

Never mind.

And here's the second:

You're probably aware that the character we know as "Dracula" was based on an actual person, Vlad the Impaler, the 15th century prince of Wallachia. Vlad was admittedly sadistic, but one has to grant him a few points for creativity.

One particular incident concerns an audience he had granted to three Turkish ambassadors. (I've also heard a version of this story which states that there was but one ambassador, but three makes the story even more striking, in my opinion, so that's the version I'll use here.) Noting immediately that the ambassadors had failed to remove their turbans before being ushered into his exalted presence, Vlad stated that he considered this omission to be a sign of disrespect. The men explained humbly -- but firmly -- that it was not a sign of disrespect, but merely their adherence to custom.

Vlad claimed to admire such an attitude. He reinforced his "admiration" by having the turbans nailed to the ambassadors' heads.

For some reason, this pleasant little anecdote occurs to me whenever I see someone walking around in public, doing all his (or her) mundane errands with his cell phone perpetually held to his ear.


Thanks for your time.


  1. I've had "eaten" documents before--usually there are ways to recover from them.

    You may want to start using Google Documents as a backup of sorts. You can import documents into the "cloud", so to speak.

  2. What if The Beatles sang about Vlad?

  3. What if The Beatles sang about Michael Meyers?

  4. All You Need Is Blood
    Happiness is a warm trickle of blood....

  5. Which Michael Myers, the Comedian or the fictional serial killer?

    And right now we've got beetles eating up Worcester County Trees right now, so they might be just as bad as Vlad...

  6. I love when my day starts with live action Cat In The Hat movie talk.

    (Thank god you mentioned this was a reprint of an old blog...we never would have guessed)

  7. I can't recall the Beatles singing about Dracula -- although there was a parody song called "I Want to Bite Your Hand" by Gene Moss of "Shrimpenstein" fame -- but the Dave Clark Five did... Or have you forgotten "Vlad All Over?"

    Mike Myers -- comedian
    Michael Myers -- Halloween villain

    And I stressed that this was a reprint so nobody would read "Universal Studios is about to release... " and say, "That was years ago. Where the hell have you been?"

  8. I'm hoping you do an all new post using the live action Cat And The Hat movie as your theme.

    I'm sure there is more to be said about this classic.

  9. David,
    Universal Studios released that Cat In The Hat movie several years ago! Why are you discussing it now?

  10. Does this mean we're now going to see "Calculatus Eliminatus" (as sung by Allen Sherman) as a song in the My Island soundtrack?!

  11. Of course I dunno if that song was sung in the movie...

  12. No, for the same reason that you won't find the themes from "Shaft," "Exodus," or "The Magnificent Seven" on the "Gone with the Wind" soundtrack album. Apples & oranges, and all that...

  13. I dunno, Davidz. "The Magnificent Seven" goes with just about everything. I mean, that and "Mission Impossible" are my theme songs for everything.

    Taking out the garbage becomes a lot more fun when "Mission Impossible" is your theme song.

  14. *fidgets...looks at watch..sighs*

  15. You would be surprised by how many people are still walking around in the world unaware of the fact that Dracula is based on a real (psychotic)person...or by how many people I have met that actually asked me in all seriousness if Vlad the Implaler was really a vampire....No, I'm not


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