This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Fairly Brief and Totally NON-Political Post

From time to time over the last thirty years or so, I've set up at local flea markets to make extra cash or, failing that, simply to clean out my damned apartment once in a while. (Remember the government warehouse in the final scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark?" Well, my apartment often looks like that, except that most of the boxes are made of cardboard, and not wood.)

A little over two years ago was one of those times. In with all of my other varied saleable stock were five radically different shrunken heads. Umm... actually, I should say shrunken head replicas. These ranged from a cheap ($5.95) plastic one -- the kind that a lot of teenagers and/or hot-rodders used to hang from their cars' rear-view mirrors back in the 1950s & 1960s -- all the way up to an uncomfortably-real-looking beauty made of goatskin (price tag, $65.00). The goatskin heads -- I had another, smaller one for $35.00 -- were quite the attention-getters, drawing several extra potential customers to my stand. In fact, I almost regretted eventully selling them.

One day, a gentleman entered my area and stood there for a moment, studying the $65.00 goatskin head, and a realistic-looking latex head which was marked $20.00. He suddenly spoke aloud, more to himself than to me, I think.

"They never had real shrunken heads," he proclaimed confidently.

I try never to argue with a customer, but Mr. Know-It-All (me) typically couldn't keep his mouth shut, so out came "Umm, actually... they did."

"You can't shrink a human skull!" he scoffed. (Yup, he actually "scoffed." Would I lie to you?)

He was right about that part, I admitted. You can't shrink a human skull. I sure as hell can't, anyway.

However, I then proceeded to explain in rather macabre detail how the flesh was stripped from the decapitated head, and followed up by explaining the steps taken to shrink the skin and prepare the shrunken head for display.

It was about two minutes into my learned recitation that I realized that the gent was staring at me in a way that nearly screamed "And why the hell do you even know this crap, anyway?"

Drawbacks of being "The god of Trivia" -- small "G," keeps me humble -- I suppose.

Not sure what my exact point was in telling you that story, really. But I'll bet it took your mind off the doggone election for a minute or two, didn't it?

Hm. "Doggone?" Damn. Slipping into that darned Palinese again...

I was going to insert a perverted joke here about
"a little head," but I resisted the temptation.
Oh, crap...

Thanks for your time.

P.S. ~~
I told you so!


  1. You lied.

    There are some (is some??) politics right at the very end.

    Didn't think we'd notice, huh.

  2. This is a funny story. Are there real ones? I guess I somehow believed there were w/o giving much thought to it.

    Favorite shrunken head moment?

    the near-to-the-end scene in & of "Beetlejuice".

  3. Yep, there are real ones. If you wanted to buy one -- Don't get caught! -- it'd run you somewhere around $10,000, I believe.

  4. lol As a person who admits that I have tons of completely useless information stored in my brain, I can relate to this incident. As a psych student who has a thing for serial killers and other total fucking weirdos, I am often the first person to be able to spout off all you need to know about such delightful individuals as Charles Manson and Eddie Gein. And yeah, when you know alot about serial killers the minds of others never go to the pure interest of a psych student...oh no. They think you are studying for the Serial Killer Academy or something.


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