This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

And the Number One Thing I'm NOT Going to Do to Wrap Up 2008 Is...

...any kind of Top Ten List.

Happy New Year. (And it damned well had better be!)

See you on the other side.

Thanks for your time.


  1. Top Ten Things David is NOT Going To Do to Wrap Up 2008

    10) He will not fashion any kind of an orderly presentation of 2008-related items in numeric order.
    9) He will not amass any kind of collection of 10 bullets that correspond to 2008 people and/or events.
    8) He will not carefully cut 10 cards from oaktag and write any kind of humorous moment from 2008 on each card a la David Letterman. No, he will NOT.
    7) He will not go into a bathroom stall in a local Olive Garden restaurant and use toilet paper and silly string to carefully create a mural representation of any kind of 2008 Top Ten list.
    6) He will not go to a local field and communicate any kind of a 2008Top Ten list using semaphore, painstakingly signaling "E" eight times if he makes a mistake.
    5) He will not invite 10 women to his house--including Sofia Vergara, who counts as 4.5 women in and of herself--to enact any kind of a 2008 Top Ten list in the nude.
    4) He will not be TRICKED into helping me fix--and thus participating in the creation of--any kind of 2008 Top Ten list that strays from numeric order, such as: 10, 9, 8, 101, 317.
    317) If a very sweet elderly woman begs him to write any kind of 2008 Top Ten List to help her get across a busy intersection, he will think long and hard. He will wrestle with his conscience. Then, he will advise her to walk around to avoid the intersection.
    2) If 10 ninjas EXPLODE into the room and force a pen into David's hand to MAKE him write any kind of Top Ten list to wrap up 2008, David will distract them with some awesome "art photographs" of Sofia Vergara. They will then express their boredom with being ninjas, and one will wander off to bake some potatoes. The others will relax with David and watch reruns of "Seinfeld."
    1) List? What's a list?

  2. After reading all of that, I said "She'd better have taken up at least as much time to post something on her own blog... which you have.

    Very insightful list. Almost caught me with humber 4. However, there's still almost two days before 2008 ends, so don't be too sure that I won't try to arrange number 5. Just sayin'.

  3. By the way, re: number 7: Is there a lot of that going around?

  4. David,
    Do you know what I AM going to do to wrap up 2008? I'm going to re-read my newly posted blog chapter! What? you didn't know that I posted a new chapter?

  5. Doing a post about not doing a top ten list counts as doing a top ten list.

    Really, check the rules, I don't make these things up.

  6. Cousin Saul: HA! Shows how much YOU know! I read it last night. (And seriously, I'm sorry to see that you had to deal with so many incompetent jerks at such a painful time in your life!)

    Okay, now quit buggin' me. I'm looking at a bunch of old comic fanzines on eBay that some guy called "paulmal" is selling.

  7. Silly Canadian Cake-person...

    Those may be the rules in Canada, but here in the more-or-less
    civilized USA, it's not a list unless it has a minimum of two items.

    So there, eh?

  8. Looks like a list to me:

    1) And the Number One Thing I'm NOT...any kind of Top Ten List.

    2) Happy New Year. (And it damned well had better be!)

    3) See you on the other side.

    4) Thanks for your time.

  9. (Better if I'd copied it right...whoops.)

  10. Why am I here?!!! Who are you???

    Where's my cell phone???


    Freakin' border patrol asleep at the switch again... ! &$**%##@(&!!!!!!

  12. I did a top...uhh...twelve list. Sort of.

    Wait...what was I doing a list for? I'm so confused.

    And where the heck's my cell phone got to?


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