This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

How Do You Revoke Someone's Internet Privileges?

As I implied here, I often visit lyrics sites on the 'net.

Looking for a particular song tonight, I found a lyrics website which even has a forum so people can ask each other for help identifying songs.

The following is transcribed unedited, except that I've deleted the lyrics he or she listed, and I'm not going to tell you what website it came from. My point is not to embarrass the person who asked about this song. Instead, my point is... Well, keep reading, and you'll find out what my point is!

"ok the begining of the song is like...[lists ten consecutive lyrics for song in question]......and thats all i can remeber its like a rock song and a guy is singing it kindof a weird lower voice i have it stuck in my head and i cant rebmeber how the rest of it goes who its by or what its called plz help me!"

Yes, someone please help her. (I'm assuming it's a "her," if the user name -- which I also won't tell you -- is any indication.) She needs help.

She needs help if she doesn't understand that an internet search featuring those ten consecutive lyrics, in quotes, would definitely have yielded her the answer far more quickly than posting a lengthy query on a website, and then figuratively sitting back to wait for a reply!

You can't even accuse her of laziness here. The route she chose took more time and effort than a 'net search would have.

Remember Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" routine? No? Well, since I'm in an editing mood, here's part of it:

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" I say, "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week so see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" I says, "Nope, talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No, I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Let's start a new movement in a similar vein! We can all send emails saying "Your Internet Privileges Are Now Revoked. You're Too Stupid to Use the Web."

And for those of you who aren't stupid, but just happen to like wasting scads of time on the internet... Start a blog!

That's what I did.

Where's my sign?

Thanks for your time.

8 comments:

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Sometimes people ask questions that they could easily find out via a quick GOOGLE is because they like conversation.

Is that stupid? Huh? Is it?

Or should I google for an answer? Huh?

cousin saul said...

David,
You're MOVING?!!!

Cake said...

I hate to say this...but I agree with IANO. (The Devil just put a sweater on.)

Sometimes (lots of times) google solves problems and sometimes it's more fun to figure something out without shutting down the conversation in 10 seconds.

Though the dolt you quoted is an example of one of the lower-intelligence humans out there. I run into them a lot at both my jobs. And on the streets. And at restaurants.

See, I like the sign idea but I think it'd be too much work...can't we just give the smart people signs? We'd have to print a lot fewer of them.

Cake said...

You realize this ties in with Project Gilligan, yes? Only I had to change it to Project Skipper because I couldn't find a land mass big enough to contain the stupid people...I'm just moving the smart people now and the stupid people can have the run of a few continents.

David'Z RantZ said...

Cake: I read your first comment and immediately thought of Project Gilligan.

As far as Project Skipper goes... Where are we going?

Nan J said...

Hokay... I have just the li'l Christmas gift-from-the-heart for you. Watch your email... heeeeeeehehehecacklescnoort

David'Z RantZ said...

Hey, folks, Nan J (the "other" Silver Fox, http://silverfoxtales.blogspot.com) sent me a really cool "STUPID" sign, so I can mass-produce it and distribute it wherever I see fit!

At, least, I think that's why she sent it...

Unless...

HEY!!!

Nan J said...

Of *course* you can distribute it wherever you see fit. That's what *I* do with it!... um... OOPS!!!!

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