This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

"Queen" Elizabeth (or, "It's Kinda Like the Shrunken Head Thing")

Sunday, I was at my recently-revived stand at a local flea market , and one of the other dealers, an elderly woman, was commenting on some of the old -- 1950s-1970s -- magazines which I had for sale.

She first remarked on a Life magazine featuring a stunning close-up of Sophia Loren on its cover. Then her eyes were caught by an unusual cover photo of Elizabeth Taylor on the cover of another over-sized mag.

"How many husbands has she had?" she asked me, referring to Taylor.

"Seven or eight," I replied uncertainly, "depending on whether you count Richard Burton as one husband or two."

"That's right, she married him twice."

"And," I said, searching my memory, "I don't think she married anyone else in between her marriages to him."

"Her first husband was that millionaire," she said.

"Yeah, 'Nicky' Hilton. Then it was the actor Michael Wilding, then Mike Todd... " I was picking up speed. My aforementioned "uncertainty" was gone.

"He's the one who died," she interjected.

"Yup. In a plane crash." I continued. "Then there was Eddie Fisher, then Burton... "

She made a funny face when I mentioned Fisher. "Yeah, she started seeing [Burton] when she was still married to Fisher."

"Then she married him again, and then she married John Warner, the senator... "

"Oh, that's right!"

"Then she married that... What was he, a limo driver?"

"Wasn't he a Polish guy?"

That made the final name "click" for me. "Larry Fortensky!"

And the conversation continued...

* * * * *

Several years ago, comedian Will Durst was doing a routine wherein he referenced Flintstone Vitamins. He sang "Ten million strong... " and paused.

Predictably, the entire crowd sang "...and growing!" in answer.

"Isn't it amazing," said Durst, "the shit that gets trapped within the crevices of your mind?" (Speaking of the jingle for Flintstone Vitamins, there's an amusing discussion thread here, if you're interested.)

That's how I feel sometimes, being the so-called "god of Trivia." Knowing how they "shrink" a head... Knowing all the names -- in order, no less! -- of Liz Taylor's husbands...

And I wonder how much other "important stuff" won't fit in -- or has been "squeezed out" of -- my brain, by the trivial "shit that [got] trapped within the crevices of [my] mind?"

* * * * *

Anyway, here are some more shots of the ever-so-captivating Liz Taylor, because... well... because I can, I guess!

Thanks for your time.


  1. Dear Mr. Rantz,

    You used to be fluent in Russian. Hate to break it to you. It moved out to make room for Larry Fortensky.


    P.S. I'm the same way.

  2. Man,
    I have some catching up to do, husband wise. I will be counting live-ins that last more than a year.

    I am up to 3.

    Here, Hubie Hubie Hubie, here Hubie Hubie Hubie... I have boobies for you!

  3. If I had a quarter for every time I asked myself about how much important information I've lost because of the useless shit in my head, I would be as rich as Liz was. lol I've even squeazed out useless info to make room for more useless info. For instance, by 5th grade I knew the names of every American Indian tribe in America, where they lived originally and how they lived. Now I have this same type of knowledge stored about dead rock stars and the American Indian info is lost to me. Go fucking figure. lol


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