This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Short Shorts

1. There's a new flea market that's either just opened, or is about to open, in the town next to mine.

It's called the "Do-Right Flea Market."

For a brief instant, I wondered where they'd gotten that name... until I realized that the town next to mine is the town of Dudley.

2. Comedian Albert Brooks once did a comedy routine where he called disc jockeys the second-worst type of human beings on the planet. He went on to say -- using a line I've "borrowed" many times since I heard this routine -- "This is not my opinion; this is a medical fact." He then quoted an imaginary article from the American Medical Association, which listed "incurable lepers" as the first-worst kind of human, followed by "disc jockey," which was followed in turn by "curable lepers." "In between the lepers!" said Mr. Brooks.

He didn't bother naming a fourth-worst type of human -- nor should he have, for it would have been irrelevant to his routine -- but I personally suspect that it's the type of person who naïvely does something to piss you off, and then becomes furious with you because you have the unmitigated gall to become angry with them for what they've done, to the point of telling them.

(And somewhere between, say, numbers five and seven on that list would be the person who insists that you're angry when you're not... and then keeps contradicting your initially polite, sedate replies of "No, I'm not angry," until you've repeated your denials so many times that you are royally pissed off. Just sayin'.)

3. I wanted to commemorate the fact that it's been a little over ten years since Bill Clinton's 1998 testimony to the grand jury about the Monica Lewinsky affair. Oops, better change the word "affair" to "situation," or something equally vague. As we all know, he "never had sexual relations with that woman."

This was Bill's shining moment, not as a president, but as a man caught cheating on his wife. In order to try to weasel out of admitting he'd been playing around, he said things like "It depends on how you define alone…" and of course, my personal favorite, "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

(The fuller version of that would be, "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the--if he--if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not--that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement....Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true.")

Yep. Completely true. (Like Bill Maher said -- and I'm paraphrasing, here -- "You mean, is she b***ing me right now... while I'm testifying?")

Debating the meaning of the word "is." Amazing.

Yeah, that word always confused the heck outta me, too.

This man was the absolute King of the Bullshitters! What better way to show that he was truly qualified for the highest office in the land.

4. And speaking of sex addiction -- *ahem* -- I recently read an article questioning the validity of its very existence. The article briefly mentioned two groups, Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous, and...

At this point my mind drifted a bit, admittedly.

Assuming that these meetings are co-ed, wouldn't it figure that they'd be great places to meet members of the opposite sex for the purpose of canoodling? I mean, offering sex to someone who's addicted to the very thought of it would be...

*ahem*

Of course, it's not like I myself would ever actually stoop so low as to do something like that, y'understand...

As it stands, I personally believe that sex addiction is a real medical issue for some people (although I'm equally sure that there are a lot of people who claim to be sex addicts just to excuse their own actions whenever they're caught). Otherwise, how the hell else could you explain a guy who cheats on the likes of Elizabeth Hurley, Christie Brinkley, or -- especially -- Halle (for-God's-sake) Berry?!?

Even a self-proclaimed male slut like myself can't understand that!

Thanks for your time.

10 comments:

Ishat's Fire and Ice said...

Yeah! I am the first!

Did you ever see Dirty Shame? I love the sex addict scene.

David'Z RantZ said...

Gee, first Jayne (on my post of the 24th), and now you... Everybody wants to be my "first."

*ahem*

Anyway, I never saw that flick, sorry.

Cake said...

I saw an ABBA musical this afternoon...Mamma Mia. It was actually very good and lots of fun and now I have disco stuck in my brain.

...

Ummm, I felt like commenting but I didn't have anything to say that related to your actual post. Tra la la.

(I'm waiting for takeout/delivery/whatever to arrive because nobody felt like cooking dinner...ain't being a grownup GREAT?)

David'Z RantZ said...

Sounds like somebody's working on finishing the last of the "Christmas cheer," eh? Bailey's, was it?

Just as well you're not going near the stove.

Ishat's Fire and Ice said...

Cake,

My girls and I LOVED that movie!

We saw it at the drive in. It rained and we danced in the rain.

The boys don't want to admit the liked it. Even if they know all the words to the songs.

I liked the older woman
/ younger men scenes.

David'z

John Waters latest film. Campy and full of lots of sexual fetishes.

I accidentally watched it one day. Yeah that's the ticket. It was an accident it fell into the DVD player.

Cake said...

David'z:

Nope, that's me sober. Scary, huh? My sleeping pattern is all screwed up from staying up too late and then sleeping too late, though, so we'll see how sober I am when I finally go to bed tonight. *valiantly ignores the siren call of the Baileys*

Ishats:

I have to see the movie next! I actually saw the play this afternoon...it was awesome. My sister ("Roger") tells me the movie was every bit as fun.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Legend has it that the basketball player, Dennis Rodman, was caught in bed with another woman.

His wife (or girlfriend) screamed "What are you doing in bed with her!!??"

And Dennis calmly replied: "There is nobody in bed with me."

Even though he was caught redhanded he never ever admitted it.

Or so the story goes.

bacon ace said...

I "is" posting. Or I did. I can't tell anymore.

Sparkle Plenty said...

I did not have posting relations with this blog.

Depending upon how you define posting relations.

Keair said...

I think sex addiction is like ADHD. It is a real condition but it isn't nearly as common as it is claimed to be. Some people are just insensitive whores who do not think they will ever get caught. And then they do. And I absolutely agree about the idea of co-ed treatment for sex addiction. It's kind of like holding AA meetings at a bar if you ask me. ;)

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