This blog is officially "retired," but my other blog,
"The Lair of the Silver Fox," is still open for business!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Short Shorts

1. I was reminiscing about the Smothers Brothers tonight, and it occurs to me that "Dick Smothers" sounds like the alias used by the star of a pornographic snuff film.

2. The easiest service -- for me, that is -- which I offer as a writer is "ghost-writing." I mean, how freakin' hard is it to write "Booooooooo?"

3. Speaking of being -- or at least calling myself -- a "writer," if the economy doesn't improve soon, I'm going to have to start calling myself something else. The other night I caught myself re-playing Robert DeNiro's "mirror" scene from Taxi Driver, but instead of saying "Are you talkin' to me?" my line was "Do you want fries with that?"

4. Do the Math!

5. Morbid obesity may be legitimately life-threatening, but we Americans really need to stop idealizing that borderline anorexic "Heroin Chic" look.

I mean, which do you prefer? Lara Flynn Boyle?

Or [shudders] Lara Flynn Boyle?

And they say that the camera adds ten pounds?
She hardly even weighs ten pounds!

Anyway, as you've probably surmised, I'm referring to all the fuss about Jessica Simpson's "new look."

It reminds me of all the comments made about Britney Spears' appearance on the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards broadcast. A lot of people -- including Britney herself -- said she looked "fat."
I thought she looked kinda hot!

Well, except for the hair, maybe.

Anyway, back to Jessica Simpson. Our little Jess has been defended by everyone from bubble-butt Kim Kardashian to Jessica's own sister, Owen Wilson look-alike Ashlee Simpson.

I mean, come on! Is this really a problem? If Ms. Simpson were to offer to... umm... spend a little time with me, looking as she does today, I'd be hard-pressed (so to speak) to turn her down based on her looks.

Just don't force me to have to talk with the celebrated little airhead for any great length of time.

6. And speaking of "time," since there is no #6...

Thanks for your time.


  1. 1. With all the "torture porn" movies of the last few years,it's surprising nobody's used the name. I mean, apart from Mr. Smothers himself...

    2.Still laughing on this one. Do you think Bram Stoker was thinkin', "BLAH! BLAH! I VANT TO BITE YOUR NECK!" when he was writting Dracula? Just wondering...

    3.Great reference. You could also try,"paper or plastic?"

    4. I was never good at math, so I didn't do it here, either.

    5.***SHUDDER***Please, I've not eaten yet. Nicole Ritchie could've worked as well. Maybe not. I don't think she's ever had to worry bout being obese. Sliding down the tub drain, yes. And as far as Jessica Simpson goes( fat or thin ), I repeat; I've not eaten yet. I always liked Britney better, anyway. Or maybe it's those fishnets she was wearing. I dunno.

    6. Times up. Dinner is almost ready.

  2. 2. If I can take a leaf from your book, here, and answer a goofy question with a serious answer: Lugosi's stage treatment (before the movie) of Dracula came thirty years after the novel, so... no.

    3. Well, I didn't want to dilute the joke's timing with more than one choice -- I also thought of "Original, or extra crispy?" -- so I went with what I felt was the best known option.

    4. Click on the link. They'll do it for you. You'll see. Go on. Go ahead. You know you want to.

  3. Okay, okay. I clicked on the link. No. Really. I did. The part about math in 2018, though. Shouldn't that be in Chinese characters instead of Arabic?

    And, oddly enough, we had cheese burgers( uummmm...cheese ) for dinner. And not the crappy take out kind, neither. And cherry pie for dessert.

  4. Well, I might throw all of those girls out of my bed. They are just not my type. I prefer some meat on their bones, I mean I am heterosexual and will except nothing but what hangs between a manly men's legs.

    I don't ever hear people complaining about the weight of male actors.

    David Tennant gains 20 pounds, I am not throwing him out of my bed. Johnny Depp is not leaving either. Hell I have an orgy going on, but it would be rude to mention who else is in there. It's a bigggggggg bed.

    I do agree with you about the heroin look. It is a very bad example for my daughters and sons.

    We watched The Devil wears Prada some time ago and my daughter who was about 10 at the time left the room crying saying she was fat because they called lead actress fat. She was a thin actress.

    I worry that my sons will take this attitude and shun girls who are healthy for ones who are perhaps addicted to drugs or other unhealthy living.

    This all would add up for bad genes for my grandchildren.

  5. I hate to say it, but I'm not sure people were aware of it. Dick's son (who share's his pop's first name), decided to get into adult movies.,_Jr.

  6. Hm. That link says there's no article.

    Anyway, I hope he goes by "Junior," and not "Little Dick." Wouldn't seem right in the porn flicks, somehow.


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