The David'Z RantZ Archives

HOLY CRAP! (or, "Thy Patience Hath Been Rewarded... Sorta")

2011-05-06T01:40:00.001-04:00

Sneaky little sucker that I am, I decided to slip this post quietly into my David'Z RantZ Archives. It's just an update of my last post from March 22nd, 2009, really. At that time, I was suffering from a combination of blogger burn-out and the crushing concerns of the "real" world. So I put this blog on "hiatus," deciding to concentrate on my other blog, The Lair of the Silver Fox, which was

Crisis on Earth-RantZ, or, "Let's Get Serious (Mostly)!"

2009-03-22T09:00:00.005-04:00

I wouldn't be surprised if, sometime while you're reading today's ultra-long example of self-indulgence, you get bored and I "lose" you. And frankly, I'm okay with that. I think I'm writing this one pretty much for myself anyway, truth be told. And if you want and/or expect me to get to the point in a relatively brisk manner... Hello! You're new here, aren't you? * * * * * "Turn Around,

Vegging Out

2009-03-21T07:00:00.001-04:00

(I thought I'd try to keep this one relatively short, to give you a break after the last few posts and before [insert ominous music here] tomorrow's.)An increasing number of people are turning to vegetarian or vegan lifestyles for various reasons. Some are trying to live healthier lives in general, some are against killing and eating animals for moral reasons, some simply don't like the taste of

I Finally Know What to Say!

2009-03-18T07:00:00.003-04:00

David: Hi...Eddie: Hi. What's wrong? You look like you just lost your best friend.David: Worse than that. Everyone -- everyone -- on my mother's side of the family -- except me, because I arrived at the airport late and missed the plane -- got on a flight to New York for a big family reunion party.Eddie: And you missed the flight? Wow, that does suck.David: No, that's not it. The plane crashed.

Molly Malone... and a Birthday Wish

2009-03-17T01:00:00.001-04:00

She wheels her wheelbarrow Through streets that are narrow, Her barrow is narrow, her hips are too wide... So wherever she wheels it The neighborhood feels it... Her girdle keeps scraping the homes on each side! In Dublin's fair city Where girls are so pretty My Molly stands out 'cause she weighs eighteen stone. (Spoken: That's 256 pounds.) I don't mind her fat but... It's not only that but...

I'll Bet They Miss Me!

2009-03-16T00:01:00.002-04:00

One of the reasons I'll bet they miss me at the ol' Crappy Day Job is that almost everybody else was too stuffy to interject little doses of insanity and off-kilter logic into the normal running of things, like I did.Those who worked in the so-called "satellite offices" as I did had to trek to the big city for a departmental meeting once a month. Most of the people there had a "let's get this

"Weather" Or Not You Believe It...

2009-03-15T05:00:00.005-04:00

Some people call it "global warming." Some call it "climate change." (I prefer the latter. The former term confuses people.)Maybe you believe in it. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're one of the fence-straddlers who say, "Yes, it's happening, but it's happened throughout the history of the planet, and it'll happen regardless of what the human race does or doesn't do."You know what? I don't really care

Enough! (An Old-style "RantZ" list)

2009-03-14T02:00:00.005-04:00

Todays post contains a list of things that bother me to various degrees. Most are things that only mildly perturb me, while a couple of them (at most) really piss me off. Let's see if you can guess which are which. However... I'm feeling a bit lazy today, so here's the deal: I'll throw out the subjects, and you fill in the RantZ! (In your own mind, in the comments section... wherever. I don't

I Really HATE This Expression...

2009-03-13T01:30:00.000-04:00

...but I really can't think of a better word to use as a caption for the following photo than..."BOO-ya!"Thanks for your time.P.S. -- I left the copyright notice on there. If I'm contacted by Peter Barry Chowka -- or his legal representatives -- I'll delete this post. Until then...

The Name Game (or, "There Oughtta Be a Law...")

2009-03-12T00:35:00.003-04:00

Politicians. Don't particularly like 'em. Don't particularly trust 'em. Not in this country. Not in any country. I mean, what the hell, a great percentage of them start out as lawyers, right? And what does that tell you? However, having said that, I must add that while I ordinarily resent the intervention of the government -- meaning the government in this country and the government in

Strange Bedfellows

2009-03-11T02:00:00.001-04:00

This first video was sent to me by one of "my" many Jennifers. (Actually, this was sent by "Jennifer the First." Never mind.)Here's an unusual pairing: Mama Cass Elliott (of the Mamas and the Papas) and none other than Julie Andrews... and they're doing a medley in honor of Simon and Garfunkel!And now, in keeping with the Mamas and the Papas connection, here's the Beach Boys doing "California

The Not-EVERY-Nite Owl, Perhaps...

2009-03-10T01:00:00.000-04:00

I haven't seen Watchmen yet. But I've read a few reviews, and more related articles than I care to count.Most of them make the same mistake: While listing all the ways the superheroes of Watchmen differ from the accepted, "good" stereotypes, they describe Dan "Nite Owl" Dreiberg with the word "impotent."I first read the story as it unfolded issue by issue in comic book form, and the impression I

Who Watches the Whatchamacallits?

2009-03-09T04:00:00.001-04:00

"I do.""I do.""I do... but only if they're in the woods.""I do.""Not me! I see nutt-ink!"Thanks for your time.

Trust Me

2009-03-08T04:30:00.000-04:00

Ever notice that, unless you're really careful, it's hard to pour coffee from the carafe of a drip coffeemaker (like Mr. Coffee) without spilling some? Or without spilling a lot?That's because the carafes were all designed by the very same guy who invented the dribble glass!No, really, it's true. Trust me. Don't Google it. Don't Google it!Crap.Thanks for your time.

"It's All Good?"

2009-03-07T06:00:00.002-05:00

"It's all good." What? What's "all good?" Says who? What the hell does that even mean? It is not "all good!" Stop saying that!!! Thanks for your time.

The Internet Never Closes

2009-03-06T06:00:00.001-05:00

A lot of people seem to think that the internet is, like, closed on the weekends. That would mean that you can't post a blog. Or even read one.Bulls**t.Heck, I'll prove it. Without the aid of trick photography or unseen wires, I shall post a RantZ entry today -- and duh, this is it! -- tomorrow, and Sunday!And they'll be short ones, so if you actually decide to read them, they won't take up the

Just Wondering...

2009-03-05T09:15:00.000-05:00

Captain "Sully" Sullenberger seems like a great guy, but no one is liked by everybody...Therefore...I wonder if there was anyone who was actually aboard US Airways Flight 1549 who was stupid enough, arrogant enough, and short-sighted enough to say "I don't like Sully. I hope he can't land us safely!"Thanks for your time.P.S. ~~ You don't really think this post was about Sully, do you?

Robert Quarry, 1925-2009, R.I.P.

2009-03-04T09:45:00.003-05:00

"Count Yorga" died.Again...R.I.P. to the guy who taught Katharine Hepburn how to play tennis.Thanks for your time.P.S. (to those who follow my other blog): Happy birthday, "Bella!"

To Whom It May Concern:

2009-03-03T10:00:00.002-05:00

No, Jim Bouton didn't die, and his birthdayisn't until March 8th -- Happy Early Birthday,Jim! -- but I just felt that the cover of his secondbook was appropriate in relation to today's post!To Whom It May Concern:Was it something I said?~~DavidIf you have absolutely no idea why I wrote that, then it probably wasn't aimed at you. Sleep well tonight, old chum.If you think that it probably was "

Anger Management

2009-03-02T10:00:00.004-05:00

Just in this kinda mood, once again...Ahhh, memories! I remember back in the mid-1980s, when Phil Collins was pretty much at the height of his popularity. I was in the habit of telling people it was only a matter of time before the advent of one or more radio stations like my own fictional "WPCR! Phil Collins Radio! All Phil, All the Time!"For the best effect, you should play this video -- and

Stupid Gmail Spell-Checker

2009-02-28T15:00:00.001-05:00

Although I am one of the world's champion spellers -- he said, modestly -- I always have my Gmail's spell-checker activated. This alerts me to typographical errors and... Okay, I admit it, even I have so-called trouble words, words I tend to screw up as a matter of course. (One example? "Embarrassed." Ever since I heard a character in the movie Echo Park -- he employed women who delivered

One of the Reasons I Never "Outgrew" Comics

2009-02-26T03:30:00.001-05:00

One of the reasons I never "outgrew" comics is that I grew up during that curious time period in which the comics themselves seemed to grow up even as I did. Several titles became -- dare I say it? -- almost "adult" in nature, and that's "adult" meaning "grown-up," not "swear words and cartoon boobs."And here's one of the coolest moments from one such series, Jim Starlin's take on the Adam

Curse of the Cat Person (Or, "Is It Possible to Hallucinate on Too Much Caffeine?")

2009-02-21T20:00:00.006-05:00

Orson: [hissing] Get that stupid thing outta my face! David: [puts camera down] Okay, okay! Temperamental little dork. Who do you think you are with this camera-shy bit, anyway? Me? Orson: Not bloody likely. David: I wanted a more recent picture of you than the two I always use on David'Z RantZ. Orson: Tough. Use one of the later ones, where Ninna's holdin' me. Just crop it so she ain't in

TV or Not TV

2009-02-18T09:45:00.003-05:00

Today's series of videos won't be for everyone. On the other hand, when was the last time -- if ever -- that one of my posts has indeed been "for everyone?" It's all related to an earlier time of television viewing, but not the actual programs... so if you're sitting there saying, "Who cares?" and wanna leave, that's cool. See you later. If you're old enough to remember a time when TV stations

Awwwwww! (DRASTICALLY edited.)

2009-02-17T01:00:00.002-05:00

The following is a photo from my kindergarten graduation ceremony in 1962! Over the years, more people than I can count have commented on how "cute" it was that I was holding hands with the cherubic little girl at my side."Hey, is that a clip-on?"And dig those baggy pants, Daddy-O!(I originally posted this with a couple of "male slut" cracks, but a couple of people failed to miss what should have

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2009-02-14T03:00:00.003-05:00

(Relatively) short and sweet: THE GOOD: Jack Benny, arguably -- but not with me -- one of the greatest comedians ever, was born on this date in 1894. THE BAD: The infamous St. Valentine's Day Massacre took place on this date in 1929. ...and THE UGLY: It's that time of year again. St. Valentine's Day. So la-dee-da and whoopie-doo, fellow babies. And as I've said before, if you're one of those

"Other Than... THAT... What Did You Think of the Play, Mrs. Lincoln?"

2009-02-12T05:00:00.002-05:00

If he were alive today, Abraham Lincoln would be celebrating his 200th birthday today! That's even older than I am.The following is from my post of February 19th, 2008, but don't run away yet! There's more new stuff after this lengthy quote, a quote which has been seamlessly edited to remove an aside about our 43rd president.* * * * * Ah, Presidents' Day! Or Presidents Day. Not President's

One of My Favorite Cartoons (Rated PG-13)

2009-02-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

The following cartoon -- and by "cartoon," I mean "one-panel joke drawing" and not "animated film" -- is from the February 1972 issue of Playboy. (WARNING: The cartoon contains "cartoon boobs," i.e., not one, but two drawn depictions of bare female breasts with nipples and everything. Not for the faint of heart. Scroll down at your own peril!)The caption -- if you can't make it out -- reads "It's

Wacky Wiki (UPDATE!)

2009-02-10T03:40:00.001-05:00

Have any of you noticed that at the top of virtually every article in Wikipedia, it says "From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia."May I hear a "Well, f***in' DUH!" from the congregation, brothers and sisters?I haven't seen expository dialogue like that since the days when Mort Weisinger was editing the Superman titles!Now, it's one thing if a radio or TV announcer tells you who he or she is... For

Repent, Christian!

2009-02-07T07:30:00.001-05:00

F***ing Christian Bale, the f***ing star of the last two f***ing Batman movies, as well as the upcoming f***ing Terminator: Salvation, has issued a public f***ing apology for the over-the-top f***ing rant which has recently been all over the f***ing internet.(Okay, okay, I'll stop. It did sound rather unprofessional, didn't it?)Yes, fellow babies, as a true "Christian" should, Mr. Bale has seen

Special Guest Rant

2009-02-05T08:45:00.003-05:00

The ironically-named Christian Bale is at it again. The latest "Batman" actor, who allegedly assaulted his own mum and sis back in July, was recorded delivering the following freak-out on the set of Terminator: Salvation, just days before his arrest for that alleged assault on his own family members! The audio-tape was obtained by www.TMZ.com. What follows is the censored version, which bleeps

Fifty Years Later...

2009-02-03T01:01:00.002-05:00

...and we didn't forget.Thanks for your time.

Short Shorts

2009-01-31T18:00:00.004-05:00

1. I was reminiscing about the Smothers Brothers tonight, and it occurs to me that "Dick Smothers" sounds like the alias used by the star of a pornographic snuff film.2. The easiest service -- for me, that is -- which I offer as a writer is "ghost-writing." I mean, how freakin' hard is it to write "Booooooooo?"3. Speaking of being -- or at least calling myself -- a "writer," if the economy

So Sorry, Sofia!

2009-01-30T02:45:00.002-05:00

I tend to date younger women. And the older I get, the more of them there seem to be! Funny how that works, innit?It won't be long before what I call "George Burns Syndrome" sets in."Why don't you date women your age?""There are no women my age."Be that as it may, I hate to limit my options, so I'm not unwilling to date women my age, or even older.Hold that thought in the back of your mind. The "

Truth, Justice, and... Name That Tune?!?

2009-01-27T01:30:00.004-05:00

I loved Wayne Boring's quirky way of illustrating the Man of Steelin all those cool old stories reprinted in DC's Giant Superman comics!However, I grew up with Curt Swan's version, so it's Curt Swan's Superman(as shown above) that will forevermore be "my" Superman! Sorry, Mr. Boring!(And before you begin reading this post: Here is the BEST actor who ever played

Separated at Birth?

2009-01-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

White House Chief of Staff Rahm EmanuelActor Adam ArkinThanks for your time.

The Cool Drunk

2009-01-24T04:00:00.002-05:00

Thanks for your time.

News from Iraq

2009-01-22T04:00:00.003-05:00

And "Video Week" continues, giving me time to catch up on my other blog and my life... although not necessarily in that order. Thanks for your time.

This Post Is for Everybody in the World!

2009-01-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

I'll bet you thought this was going to be some pompous, wordy message about the USA's new president, huh?Wronnnnnnnnnnggggggg!This is, instead, a link to a page which tells you some fun ways to prevent and/or annoy telemarketers and junk mailers! And I think everybody -- or almost everybody -- in the whole damned world can benefit from it!So, have fun! I did.Thanks for your time.P.S. ~~ Oh, okay.

CRIMES Committed on Vinyl, Vol. I

2009-01-20T03:00:00.003-05:00

Dion (That's Dion DiMucci, FYI.) Gotta love 'im, with or without The Belmonts. "Runaround Sue." "I Wonder Why." "Where or When" (which is not only my all-time favorite by Dion and the Belmonts, but it was their biggest hit). "A Teenager in Love." "The Wanderer." "Donna the Prima Donna." "Lonely Teenager." "I Was Born to Cry." And, of course, later on in his career came "Abraham, Martin, and John.

You Won't Even Know I'm Gone...

2009-01-17T08:00:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Sofiapalooza!!!Yup. I'm "phoning it in" yet again. Sparse text, lotsa YouTube videos. But there's some justification, in that this ought to tide you over until I "return" from working on other projects, including my other blog.I'm going to leave you with some videos and links to my #1 (current) celebrity crush, Sofia Vergara. And this isn't just aimed at the guys -- in fact, most of my

I'll Cry If I Want To! (Updated)

2009-01-16T09:00:00.004-05:00

(This is about one of my earliest celebrity crushes. As for why I'm bothering to write this at all... well... you'll kinda/sorta understand that better tomorrow, unless something really newsworthy happens in the meantime!)Here and there in "David'Z RantZ" I've mentioned my "weakness" for green-eyed ladies. I know where and (approximately) when it started.My sister Kathy is very slightly less than

Ricardo Montalban, 1920-2009, R.I.P.

2009-01-15T10:00:00.001-05:00

Wow, deja vu.I began yesterday's tribute to Patrick McGoohan by saying, "Just yesterday, I read a rather amusing anecdote concerning Patrick McGoohan on Mark Evanier's NewsFromME blog," and then went on to say that only one day later, Mr. McGoohan died... a sad fact which I discovered on Mr. Evanier's blog as well.This probably isn't the best time or place to plug someone or something, but

Patrick McGoohan, 1928-2009, R.I.P.

2009-01-14T14:15:00.006-05:00

Just yesterday, I read a rather amusing anecdote concerning Patrick McGoohan on Mark Evanier's NewsFromME blog.And now, only a day later, the incredibly talented Mr. McGoohan is gone.Most people know him from either Secret Agent (known as Danger Man in Great Britain) or The Prisoner, but after first becoming "aware" of him when I watched Secret Agent as a boy, I became -- and remained -- a fan,

"Billy Mays, The Oxy-Moron!"

2009-01-13T22:00:00.002-05:00

I really can't stand this guy. If I wanted someone to scream at me like that, I'd turn up the volume on my television.Thanks for your grime time.

No-Brainer

2009-01-12T08:26:00.009-05:00

Kate Winslet. Golden Globes.But of course! I mean...Say what?Oh, it's an awards show? I thought...Sorry.Thanks for your time."Infiel!"

The Best Thing About Being White (Updated Slightly)

2009-01-11T15:21:00.005-05:00

You wanna know what I love about being a Caucasian?It's that there are so damned many of us in the world, no one man (or woman) really dares to try to speak for all of us. Nobody famous, that is. And nobody with any credibility.We don't have a Spike Lee, or an Al Sharpton, or a Jesse Jackson, or a Bill Cosby saying that this is how white people should act, or that this is how white people should

Flynt and Francis

2009-01-08T09:30:00.009-05:00

When the government decided to "bail out" the nation's financial institutions, I was one of the ones who suggested (and only half seriously) that they instead apportion the money to the taxpayers who were hurt by all of this fiscal fol-de-rol.Once it became apparent that that was not going to happen -- which was, like, pretty close to immediately -- I (much less seriously) started telling people

Sequel Sequel!

2009-01-08T06:00:00.001-05:00

In my last two posts, I mentioned Classmates.com. (Those of you with a little extra time on your hands should really read yesterday's comments, by the way. Better than the post itself was.)Someone sent me a private email asking (seriously, I assume) why I didn't provide my usual handy-dandy "click on this to open a new tab or window" links to the Classmates.com website.Umm... You're kidding,

Sequel

2009-01-07T00:47:00.002-05:00

In my Sunday post, I stated that the phrase "once you're in, you're in for life" was not about the Mafia. It was actually meant to refer to Classmates.com!However, after checking the Classmates site -- which I hadn't done at length for quite some time -- I discovered that it is admittedly easier now than it used to be to totally quit it and remove your information from the site. In the interests

"Once You're In, You're In for Life." (Updated)

2009-01-04T18:43:00.008-05:00

"Once you're in, you're in for life."Did you ever hear that expression, meaning that once you join a "certain" organization, the only way you'll ever get out is by dying, no matter what else you try? So have I. Did you think it was about the Mafia? So did I.It's not.It's about f**king Classmates.com.Thanks for your time.P.S. ~~ I first "found" Classmates a few years ago -- and not via one of

Goodbye Again

2008-12-31T18:46:00.014-05:00

Hang on tight, people! This evening's post threatens to be even more self-indulgent than usual!If John Denver were still alive, today would be his 65th birthday.It fell upon Howard Stern to inform me of Mr. Denver's death. (No, I didn't get a personal phone call, silly!) I was a regular listener to Stern's show at that time, and during the show, Stern very casually commented "John Denver is dead"

And the Number One Thing I'm NOT Going to Do to Wrap Up 2008 Is...

2008-12-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

...any kind of Top Ten List.Happy New Year. (And it damned well had better be!)See you on the other side.Thanks for your time.

Short Shorts

2008-12-27T10:15:00.003-05:00

1. There's a new flea market that's either just opened, or is about to open, in the town next to mine. It's called the "Do-Right Flea Market." For a brief instant, I wondered where they'd gotten that name... until I realized that the town next to mine is the town of Dudley. 2. Comedian Albert Brooks once did a comedy routine where he called disc jockeys the second-worst type of human beings on

Be Careful What You Ask For...

2008-12-25T19:00:00.005-05:00

Thanks to Nan J., "the other Silver Fox," for this most distressing photo!And... It gets worse, as you'll see! Her transgressions are all over the internet! (Sarah Palin's, not Nan's!) The damning evidence just keeps piling up, like... like... like snow in Alaska!That's enough. I can't take any more!Happy Holidays...And thanks for your time.

Does Sarah Palin Shoot Flying Reindeer?

2008-12-24T08:00:00.005-05:00

[No, don't worry, this is not about Sarah Palin! But it is almost/kinda/sorta an accidental follow-up to my recent post about research on the internet.]"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,Comet and Cupid and Richard M. Nixon..."Or however that goes...Of course, I'm talking about "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer."A Christmas Classic, right? Sure it is. And that's whether you're

The Fundamental Difference Between the USA and Canada (Subtly Updated)

2008-12-22T17:00:00.004-05:00

USA: Canada: That's about it. Thanks for your time. (Or, if you prefer, "Thanks for your time, eh?") P.S. ~~ There's a "real" reason for this difference (from Wikipedia): A Kit Kat bar is a confection which was first created by Rowntree Limited of York, England, and now produced worldwide by Nestlé, which acquired Rowntree in 1988, except in the USA where it is made under licence by Hershey's.

Hang-Ups, the Sequel!

2008-12-21T15:41:00.003-05:00

If you haven't already, please read my previous post, Hang-Ups. I'll still be here when you get back. I promise.This (Sunday) afternoon, I called my mother and -- wouldn't you know it! -- accidentally disconnected the call. I called her back and explained what had happened, and told her that after our new call was through, I was going to smash that offensive telephone. She said "No, you're not,"

Hang-Ups

2008-12-20T06:00:00.003-05:00

Hey, wanna piss off a whole buncha people?Here's how you do it:Design a telephone... but design it so that the "disconnect" button is right next to the earpiece... you know, the place people rest against their ear just so they can hear the other person talk?Odds are, naturally, that during a conversation, the poor schmuck using the telephone will inadvertently disconnect the call with his (or her

The Killer Wore... Pastry?

2008-12-19T00:01:00.004-05:00

This is inexcusable! Somebody murdered one of the Bond girls! Yep, as the article states, Celine Cawley -- who appeared in A View to a Kill -- was killed in her own home a few days ago. The murder was apparently committed -- and this is the part I don't quite understand -- by someone who was wearing... baklava? I don't get it. How could you wear something like this: I mean, is it just me, or

How Do You Revoke Someone's Internet Privileges?

2008-12-18T03:50:00.003-05:00

As I implied here, I often visit lyrics sites on the 'net.Looking for a particular song tonight, I found a lyrics website which even has a forum so people can ask each other for help identifying songs.The following is transcribed unedited, except that I've deleted the lyrics he or she listed, and I'm not going to tell you what website it came from. My point is not to embarrass the person who

How About a "Size Ten" Right Up Your...

2008-12-15T10:20:00.003-05:00

I didn't find out about this until early this morning, but by then, you'd probably already heard about how an Iraqui journalist threw both of his shoes at President Bush. (The full story can be found in the New York Times, among other places.) Those who know me know that I'm hardly the man's biggest fan, but frankly, that's going way too far. If I'd thrown my shoes -- or anything else -- at the

Birthday Cake (Update)

2008-12-13T00:01:00.003-05:00

It's 12:01 A.M.May I be the very first Blogger-blogger to post:"Happy birthday to my favorite Canucklehead!"Pass the infrastructure.Thanks for your time, eh. Just sayin'.P.S. ~~ I did want to give credit where credit was due, so... Put it this way: I didn't bake the David Tennant cake! The pictures above were borrowed -- with permission -- from the blog of The Caked Crusader. Feel free to check

The Winter Parking Ban (with thanks to... well... NO ONE, now)

2008-12-12T08:00:00.003-05:00

[This post was inspired by someone else's blog. I originally gave her full credit for that fact, and provided a link to her original post. Since then, however, she has removed herself from my list of "followers," and removed the links to both of my blogs from her website... and all without telling me why, nor giving me a chance to defend myself. She didn't even answer the one email I sent, asking

I Can Do It, Too!

2008-12-09T17:00:00.001-05:00

I often complain that people are always messing with the meaning -- or at least the preferred use -- of this word or that. My issue, I usually stress, is not the fact that the words are being changed. English is, after all, a "living" language, and as such, is subject to change. Mutation, if you will. (Evolution, if you want to piss off the neocons.) Nope, I just get ticked off because no one

I've Just Seen a Face... (An Almost-Private Joke Post)

2008-12-05T21:50:00.008-05:00

Today, I found an envelope tacked to my door. It contained a short note, and some photographs. I guess the note vaguely refers to the fact that, years before the internet, I was unofficially known as "the Man Who Can Find Things."It said,"Dear David,I'm looking for an old... friend.His name is Steve.I haven't seen him since my college days.Can you help?"It was unsigned, but as I mentioned above,

Mean, Nasty, Horrible, Miserable, Evil, Scathingly Vituperative... and Just Plain Vicious. I Love It!

2008-12-04T10:30:00.005-05:00

From the late 1960s until the middle 1970s, a Canadian rock band called The Guess Who (fronted by the incomparable Burton Cummings, pictured above in lieu of the entire band 'cause I felt like it) had several Top 40 hits: "These Eyes," "American Woman," "No Sugar Tonight," "Clap for the Wolfman," "Undun" [sic], "Laughing," and many, many more. But they also had a whole slew of material on their

"Hold Your Calls, Folks! We Have a Winner!"

2008-12-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm "phoning it in" again today, but this was too cool not to share.Oops.Thanks for your time.

"Queen" Elizabeth (or, "It's Kinda Like the Shrunken Head Thing")

2008-12-02T01:37:00.006-05:00

Sunday, I was at my recently-revived stand at a local flea market , and one of the other dealers, an elderly woman, was commenting on some of the old -- 1950s-1970s -- magazines which I had for sale.She first remarked on a Life magazine featuring a stunning close-up of Sophia Loren on its cover. Then her eyes were caught by an unusual cover photo of Elizabeth Taylor on the cover of another

It Gets Me Every Time

2008-11-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm always surprised that, whenever I open a can of "Evaporated Milk"...It's not empty.Thanks for your time.

Oh, They Mean Well, But...

2008-11-24T08:00:00.004-05:00

First (Imaginary) Scenario: I'm with a friend at McDonald's -- or Wendy's, or Burger King -- and the girl at the counter is... not really rude, just rather indifferent. My friend and I proceed to our table.Friend: Well, there you go.Myself: There I go... what?Friend: There's your next blog.Myself: How's that?Friend: Your next blog, your next rant! There you go!Myself: What are you talking about?

"Phoning In" a Leather Ad

2008-11-23T07:00:00.001-05:00

Thanks for your time.

Orson'Z RantZ: A Special Guest Post

2008-11-21T22:02:00.004-05:00

I don't give a crap where he is. Somebody'd better feed me!Oh. Yeah. Almost forgot.Thanks fer... nuthin'!

Another All-New "Short Shorts!"

2008-11-13T14:35:00.009-05:00

1. There seems to be a debate as to whether using cell phones at a gasoline pump is dangerous. What little I've read on the subject says they probably aren't dangerous. I wish they'd find out for sure. And if they're not, then they can take it off the sign next to the pump which tells you about all the other evil things that you shouldn't do while filling your tank.Until then, if I catch you

For Long-Time Comic Book Geeks Only

2008-11-11T00:05:00.000-05:00

Leave it to "Robby Reed" of Dial B for Blog to find a photo of SteveDitko which is not the same damned photo everyone has seen before!A quote from Roy Thomas:I'll never forget the day I walked into one Marvel office not long after Ditko quit, and here's John Romita drawing Amazing Spider-Man and Larry [Lieber] drawing the Spider-Man Annual and Marie

Since It's Been a While Since My Last "Short Shorts" Entry...

2008-11-10T04:15:00.002-05:00

Here's a new one! An all-new one, I might add. 1. "They" are doing it again. A few times in the past, I've mentioned that people are either changing the meanings of words outright, or at least, using them in slightly new ways. I don't mind that -- unless the change in question is, like, f**kin' stupid -- because I fully realize that English is a so-called "living language," and a language

Something(s) to Tide You Over Until After the Weekend

2008-11-07T16:20:00.002-05:00

When the weekend comes, a lot of the other Blogger bloggers post things like YouTube videos, write something to the effect of "Have a Nice Weekend!" and disappear until (usually) Monday. I guess they do something selfish, like devote the weekend to their families, or something. Oh, well, to each his own.However, this week I'm going to post something (not a YouTube video) which I thought was great

Michael Crichton, 1942-2008, R.I.P.

2008-11-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

Stop me if you've heard this...When I was still in high school, I saw Westworld. It was a really cool movie with an even cooler concept. The movie told the story of a theme park divided into three sections: WesternWorld, RomanWorld, and MedievalWorld. Each section contained incredibly lifelike robots which could interact with the park's guests. As it turned out, however, the robots went beserk,

I Was Covered Either Way!

2008-11-05T09:45:00.002-05:00

Either...Or...Just sayin'.Thanks for your time."I'm Clark Kent, and I approved this message. (And that damned Sarah Palin stole my wink!)"

A Fairly Brief and Totally NON-Political Post

2008-11-04T06:05:00.002-05:00

From time to time over the last thirty years or so, I've set up at local flea markets to make extra cash or, failing that, simply to clean out my damned apartment once in a while. (Remember the government warehouse in the final scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark?" Well, my apartment often looks like that, except that most of the boxes are made of cardboard, and not wood.)A little over two years

"Security? SECURITY?!?" Revisited (Special "What's Goin' On?" Edition)

2008-11-03T10:35:00.002-05:00

Hey there, ever'body! Remember this wacky ol' Guinness ad from the other day?Sure ya do.Well, nobody noticed that there was somethin' kinda... strange... about the photo. At least, if anybody did notice, nobody mentioned it ta me.And what about the photo was strange?No, no, no! Not the fact that these four kooky, kwazy kids are havin' their picnic right on the grounds of Stonehenge.Nope. That's

So, I Didn't Make It... (or, "Okay, So I Lied. Sue Me.")

2008-11-01T02:30:00.008-04:00

Damn. As I finally get the time to sit down at my computer, it's 11:42 PM on Friday, and my unfinished draft for my "Wildflower" post is still just that. Unfinished.Looks like I get to go back to my last post and edit it so it'll look like I never really promised to have the "Wildflower" entry posted Friday.That, and I can throw a few tid-bits your way:1. Remember my unnamed local politician from

Too Cool Not to Share! (Besides, It's Almost Halloween)

2008-10-30T01:27:00.005-04:00

(Run-On Sentence Alert!)Yes, I know I said today's post would be about the song "Wildflower" by Skylark, but the following picture -- and the link to the article explaining it in full -- is just too cool not to share (as I said in my title), plus it's almost Halloween (as I also said in my title) and that makes today's post incredibly timely, and besides, I've found that whenever I post two

Setting the Mood (or "The BEST... " Part Two)

2008-10-28T23:49:00.004-04:00

Things were finally getting back to normal around here -- well, "normal" as defined by what's normal for me and "David'Z RantZ," that is -- or at least, they were before the events of the past ten days or so kept me from posting much.My post of October 15th, "The BEST o'the BEST o'the BEST... SIR!!!" generated a handful of seemingly-negative comments by intelligent readers who got the f**king

"Security? SECURITY?!?"

2008-10-25T12:57:00.002-04:00

Brilliant!Thanks for your time.

More "RIPs" Than A Bean-Eating Contest!

2008-10-23T22:51:00.001-04:00

That's a really frivolous title for such a serious subject... but I had to collect a bunch of recent celebrity death notices into one post. It's been a few days since all of these people died, and I wanted to mention them.1. Neal Hefti, 1922-2008, R.I.P.Hefti's biggest claim to fame was being the composer of the Batman TV show theme. Everybody in the world seems to know it, especially the one

In My Mailbox

2008-10-21T23:12:00.006-04:00

The past few days have not been fun. I've had severe back pain which has kept me housebound. How severe? Monday was my mother's ninety-first birthday, and all she got from me on that day was a couple of phone calls. I couldn't get out to see her. (She and I rescheduled her official birthday get-together, just so you know.)That's one of the main reasons I've been lax as far as contributing any new

The BEST o'the BEST o'the BEST... SIR!!!

2008-10-15T09:00:00.006-04:00

How to create controversy in one easy lesson: Present your own opinions as incontrovertible facts.If I were to list each of the following items as "My Favorite [So-and-So]," this would be a nice, innocuous little collection of my musical favorites.But no.I'm presenting the following list as "The Best Of... " Not only am I courting controversy by doing that, but I'm also taking an additional

It's Up!

2008-10-13T03:35:00.000-04:00

Yep. It's up.And at my age, it's quite an accomplishment for me to get another one up so soon after the last one, don'tcha know.I can't wait for all of you to see it! And rest assured, I'll keep it up until long after everybody has had a look at it.I'm referring to the very first post on my brand new blog, The Lair of the Silver Fox, of course.Why, what were you thinking?Really?Oh.Oh!*ahem*[

HEY!!! NEW POST, DAMNIT!!!

2008-10-09T01:10:00.002-04:00

(Gotta love Blogger! I'm writing this BRAND NEW POST on October 1st, and scheduling it for October 9th, after subjecting you all to a couple of recycled posts from the old DiaryLand David'Z RantZ. By the way, I predict that while I've been "gone," my recycled posts, as usual, will have gotten next-to-no comments. How'd I do?By the way, I still don't understand why my readers avoid commenting on

Putting Things in Perspective

2008-10-07T09:00:00.002-04:00

(The following post originally appeared on my DiaryLand page on January 7, 2005. Beyond that, it's fairly self-explanatory. I pre-scheduled it last Wednesday to post today. Gotta love that Blogger feature! This is so cool. I haven't really been around "here" for days!)I guess we all need a wake-up call once in a while.In my last RantZ entry, immediately before Christmas, I dipped a little more

My Own Personal Hang-Up, Part One

2008-10-05T12:00:00.002-04:00

The following was originally published on the DiaryLand "David'Z RantZ" page on November 5, 2003. (It was pre-scheduled on Wednesday to post at noon on Sunday.)According to Boston's WHDH-TV, a woman -- I'm showing a rare bit of sensitivity and not bandying her name about in this particular venue -- was killed in an early morning motor vehicle accident on November 1st. She was studying to be an

Maverick? (A NON-Political Statement)

2008-10-03T12:05:00.009-04:00

Now, these are the original, "real" Mavericks:"We've heard of Lucas McCain, but John McCain?Nope, we ain't never heard o'him." Just sayin'.Thanks for your time.P.S. ~~ This post was written approximately twelve hours before it was posted."This here's Lucas McCain, andI done approved me this here post!"

Short Shorts

2008-10-01T20:15:00.006-04:00

The following is a combined, edited version of two "Short Shorts" entries from my old DiaryLand blog, dated February 23 & June 21, 2004. Please keep that in mind when you read the references to the "new" program, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and to a radio commercial for a Saint Patrick's Day sale.My surviving DiaryLand entries are fairly depleted. I'm no longer going to provide a link when I

A Brand New Project, Part Two

2008-09-29T15:00:00.006-04:00

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS SECTION:(And if you're old enough to remember where and when the above phrase was used -- constantly -- you're old, Jack!)Not long ago, I wrote a post saying that I was debating the creation of a new blog, one which would showcase my so-called "real" writing as opposed to whatever the hell it is I do around here. All I needed to do was 1. convince myself, and 2. find a

Paul Newman, 1925-2008, R.I.P. (Updated)

2008-09-27T23:53:00.008-04:00

Due to the unfortunate subject of this post, the column I originally promised for today will have to wait until 3 p.m. Monday. Sorry. A few minutes ago, I arrived home after going out for a ready-made cup of coffee. I opened a newly-arrived email from a friend, who informed me that actor Paul Newman had died. Terrific. Another tribute column that I "needed" to write. As I began this piece, I

An Experiment That "Went a Little Ca-Ca?"

2008-09-22T10:23:00.002-04:00

Al Calavicci, the Quantum Leap character so engagingly portrayed by Dean Stockwell, explained the premise of the show as "a time travel experiment that... went a little ca-ca."Well, if I may mix -- or scramble -- a metaphor, here, science is not always..... err... an exact science. So in any given experimental situation, there's always the potential for more "ca-ca" than what could be handled by

"Sarah, Oh Sarah... " Part Two

2008-09-20T12:48:00.004-04:00

In case I didn't make myself clear in my earlier post...Yes, she's a "babe," but there's no f**king way I'd ever vote for her as VP. Not even as VPILF. I've already seen too many guys saying, "WOW! She's got my vote!" for all the wrong reasons.There is -- believe it or not! -- a difference between being a slut, and a sexist idiot. I'll readily admit to being the former, and vehemently deny being

Richard Wright, 1943-2008, R.I.P.

2008-09-15T21:34:00.003-04:00

This should be brief. Of course, around here, "should be brief" ain't sayin' it's gonna be. It'll also be a bit loopy, due to my lack of sleep and the fact that I'm sort of burned (burnt?) out from writing so many celebrity tributes lately.Richard Wright, one of the four founding members of the band initially called The Pink Floyd, has died at the age of 65 from cancer. Currently, no further

Good for What Ails Ya!

2008-09-15T11:18:00.004-04:00

I'm not even getting a kickback for today's post -- not that it should really bother you if I were -- but I wanted to share the following information with you: There's a seller on eBay called "haunted-jack" who offers the absolute coolest items. He sells empty bottles of various sizes and shapes. Each of those bottles bears an impressively ornate label related to characters or plot elements from